Alone
by Kaekaze-Wonderfuu-chan
Summary: Based on Finn's comment of "If I did that to a girl, she'd take out a restraining order on me" to Kurt in "Duets". Kurt POV, a little angsty. Drabble. Kurt-centric.


Just a quick little drabble. I've been re-watching some episodes of Glee, and got inspired to write this. Kurt's POV, based on the events in the episode "Duets". I hope you enjoy!

Written by: Kaekaze

Sometimes, I really, really hated Finn. For all that he meant to me, especially last year, I really hated him sometimes. Especially right now.

Maybe I went a little far, but I don't think he's right about the restraining order thing. Was it so bad that I liked him? Or that I tried to get us together? Isn't that normal enough? But his comment about Sam and glee, that was a low blow. Really, could he have sunk any lower than that? There wasn't anything I could do and not risk causing Glee club as a whole to stop functioning. I… I just wanted to sing with him. Was it really so bad? I didn't want to be the cause of Glee club ending though. Not in the least. I loved Glee, I really did. I loved singing, I loved being the star, I loved being with people that cared.

Why does Finn hate me so much? Is it because I'm gay, because I'm flamingly so, or is it because I made him uncomfortable last year.

But… Even my Dad sided with him. Was it really so bad to want to be with Finn? Was that really a crime? Yes, he was straight, yes. I knew that. It didn't mean I couldn't try.

In the end, I put myself in the back seat again. I let the others shine while pushing myself back. Why do I always do this? I decided to let Sam sing with someone else, anyone else. It hurt to tell him I wouldn't sing with him anymore, I really, really, wanted to. But I couldn't. It wouldn't be fair to anyone. I can take a blow for glee.

Sometimes, being different means I have to go it alone, I guess. But… I'm always alone. I'm so sick of being alone. Finn's afraid I'm going to molest him, Puck never really liked me, neither has Santana. Rachel is afraid I'm going to steal the spotlight. I don't really talk to Mike, and I haven't talked to Artie in a while, same for Tina. Brittany… I'm not even sure what say for that one. I'm pretty sure she just wants sex. Quinn doesn't associate herself with me anymore since she's no longer pregnant. Sam I hardly know, and I'm a boyfriend replacement for Mercedes. I love her and all, but… it's not the same.

Even if they aren't the best, at least they don't (usually) actively attack me. But, I want more. I need more. I'm so alone… Always alone. None of them get it. Especially not Finn.

Mr. Shue really doesn't get it. He doesn't listen to me, and I feel ignored most of the time. I work hard, I try hard, and I show up every day. All of his group team building assignments only make me feel more and more alone. The boys versus thing last year, and then the duets thing now. I can't be with any partner and have everyone be happy. And Mr. Shue doesn't even notice. I wish he'd just do something to help me for once.

When do I get my chance at being loved? Is it too much for me to want to slow dance at prom with a boyfriend, or hold hands in the halls?

I'm so tired of this. It hurts so much. Every day I see people making out, holding hands, hugging, and its torture. I want that. I want to be held, kissed. I want to be loved. Doesn't everyone? I'm the only out gay kid here though, so fat chance of that happening. It's torturous, and I can't get it to stop.

For me, Sam was a way to start again, a possible change for the future. But I guess I can't even have that, I'm stuck in this rut and I can't get out. Nothing is going to change, and it frustrates me. But I can't do a damn thing about it. I'm stuck in a town of ordinary people, scared of anyone that might be a little different. I'm stuck, and nothing is going to change. I'm going to get attacked, harassed, targeted for as long as I'm here. Not only that, but my dad is a target because of me.

I say I'm proud to be me, but that doesn't mean I'm proud of where it's gotten me.

I'm alone.

I'm a target.

It hurts so much.

So why can't anyone see that? I'm not as strong as they think I am. I'm tired and worn. Used. Is it so much to want someone to lean on, someone to rescue me, when I'm so incredibly stuck?

I peer around the top of the dumpster I've been dumped into again, hoping the coast is clear. I carefully climb out, pointedly avoiding thinking about the fact my Prada jacket and Calvin Klein pants are now ruined. Soiled with blood, and rotten food, it's beyond any hope. As soon as I get to my locker, I get a change of clothing, head to the bathrooms and change. It's a lot plainer, a simple long sleeve shirt and jeans, and I spray on some cologne to hide the smell, and the shirt hides the bruises. I dump my old clothes in the trash, sad to do so, but I know that I can't do anything to repair them.

Glee club time comes around, and Finn puts his hand on my shoulder as he walks in. I flinch, but say it was just because I'm cold and hide my wince, he was applying pressure where there was a bruise. But as always, no one notices. Not Finn, my soon to be step brother, not Mercedes, my best friend, and certainly not Mr. Shuester, the one who is supposed to be there to help keep us safe. He never notices anything. Nor can he see how his plans get boring and repetitive (I think we might all be sick of Journey by now).

Nothing is going to change today. I don't know why I suspected anything different would come to happen.

Today is just going to be the same as yesterday, which will be the same as tomorrow.

I was alone then, I'm alone now, and I'll be alone still. Not a single change in sight.

Hope you enjoyed. Please review if you could. I don't think I'll do a second part, but I might. This is really just a drabble.


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